Signing our life away - Lincoln, MA

Drumlin Farm brochure cover

So, this is my inaugural post of my new blog. In July, I will be re-patriating to the US after six years in Brazil. I have heard from a number of people that re-patriation is harder than ex-patriation. Why? Because we expect everything to be the same as when we left. Yet life, and friends, move on. I expect this move to be particularly hard for me as I am returning to New England which I left in 1990--moving to California, Illinois, New Jersey, Brazil, Miami, then Brazil again before returning. 

My kids are anxious about making friends and fitting in. One of them is having a harder time with the idea than the other--last night he asked what if the kids don't like the same things he does, or if they will make fun of him for doing ballet. He may quit ballet because he is scared. He's no Baryshnikov but he does love it so I would be sad to see this happen. 

One of the ways I wanted to help them to fit in there before school starts after Labor Day is signing them up for camp. One week they will be in soccer camp, and one week will be in a nature camp. Today I received the 33 page parent document for the three-day nature camp. I am not kidding--33 pages. It is incredible.

Here is the table of contents:

Introduction and Expectations…………….. 4

Important Camp Policies……………………. 5

Preparing for Camp………………………………….. 6

The Camp Experience………………………….. 7, 8

Packing for Camp………………………………………. 9

Food at Camp………………………………………… 10, 11

The First Day of Camp …………………………… 12

Pick up & Drop Off…………………………………… 13 - 16

Outdoor Safety………………………………………… 17

Health Care……………………………………………….. 18 - 21

Directions to Camp…………………....……………. 22

Directions to Wolbach…………………………….. 23

Directions to Assabet River…………………… 24

Bunk1 Camp Photos…………………………………… 25

A Letter to My Camp Counselors………….. 26

Camper Behavior Agreement…………………. 27

Parent Questionnaire………………………………. 28, 29

I would find this hilarious (already it's funny) but on page 27, they are asking my seven-year-old kids to sign a camper behavior agreement. It goes roughly like this:

.....four paragraphs not reproduced here about respecting himself, etc. Then: 

I WILL SHOW RESPECT FOR THE HEALTH AND SAFETY OF MYSELF AND OTHERS

o      I understand that it is important to abide by safety standards provided by camp staff, especially in water-related and adventure challenge experiences.

o      I understand that it is important to stay with the group, respect and listen to the directions of my counselors.

o      I understand that the possession and use of tobacco, alcohol, or illegal drugs is prohibited.

o      I understand that fireworks, firearms and other dangerous weapons are not allowed.

I have read, along with my parents, the above behavior guidelines and we understand that in order to create a camp community where everyone can challenge himself or herself to make friends and have fun, our commitment is necessary. As a camper, I will do my best to follow the above behavior guidelines.

My parents and I understand that the breaking of this agreement can be grounds for dismissal. 

The Camp director reserves the right to dismiss a camper when in his/her judgment the camper’s behavior interferes with the rights of others, the smooth functioning of the group or activity or violates the camps principles of conducts.  In such cases no refunds will be given.

Camper Name:  ___________________________________________________________________

Camper’s Signature _____________________________________________ Date _____________

Are you freaking kidding me? 

Welcome to the United States of Lawyers of America. The list of what I cannot give them for lunch is longer than the list of what I CAN give them for lunch. I am glad my kids don't like nuts because they will never eat them again (by the way, I have a good friend with a son who has a severe peanut allergy--I am not making fun of the gravity of this allergy--it is life-threatening.)

So I have to go read this novel and then have my SEVEN YEAR OLD kids fill out the behavior agreement, and then fill out the four pages of medical history, the one page introducing the camper to the camp counselors and god knows what else. 

Help.